[ you want blood.... you got it.... ]

I’m having the worst fucking day.

I feel shit. I feel lonely. I feel abandoned. And every other fucking thing.

I’m sick of not fitting into all the fucking little cliques that have appeared.

I’m sick of hearing things from other people.

I’m fucking sick of being let down.

I’m fucking sick of people being hypocritial. (Say what you mean, not half a message, or whatever. The ‘@’ button is for a reason)

I’m fucking sick of not fitting in because I won’t do stupid shit.

I’m sick of waiting on fucking phonecalls and texts that never fucking arrive.

I’m sick of finding out how good that day was the day AFTER it happened. Y’know, when I wasn’t invited or even told anything was going the fuck on.

I’m fucking SICK of being alone because all my fucking family have more important things going on in their life. And I’m not one of those things.

I couldn’t feel more fucking shit right now.

I’m so angry I can’t even fucking cry. How the fuck did I get here?

I turn 25 this year. For some, that’s a milestone. For some, their family would wanna be there. Like mines used to. However, that ain’t fucking happening this year. I feel like the fucking old model that everyone’s decided to trade in all in one go.

I was actually looking fucking forward to this. I really was. I was fucking EXCITED about my birthday. I’m never that fussed, except the fact that it’s a day to get pissed. But this year, nah, I was excited because someone was gonna be there. Someone I haven’t spent a birthday with in literally years. Someone who means the fucking world to me. I didn’t want presents. Fuck presents. I just wanted this….

Never mind, eh?

Fuck. I wish this didn’t mean so fucking much to me, but it does.

I’m fucking sick of being homeless. Sick of saying “Oh yeah, I have that and… oh wait, I dunno where it is.” Why don’t I know where whatever item is? Because it’s all in fucking BOXES. And has been for A YEAR AND A HALF. I can’t fucking take this much longer.

Oh, and I’m fucking sick of being fat. Go to the gym you say? Fuck the gym, because as long as I’m in this mental place, my eating is gonna counter it. Because I’m fucking greedy. And I eat because I fucking can. And therefore, I’m fucking fat. And that makes me fucking ugly.

Attention you say? Because I’m putting this on a blog? Fuck that. I’m putting this here because if I don’t get this out here, I will fucking explode.

At least everyone else is having a fucking good time, eh? Life goes on for everyone else, life is fucking peachy. I’ll just stay here in my corner, like I always fucking do, and let everyone just get on with it. Because people get on with it whether I’m there or not.

Who fucking cares.

Oh, and if you think something I’ve written might be about you, it probably fucking is. Wanna discuss it? Come to me for a fucking change. I’m sick of chasing people to make things right.

~ by sapphirephoenix on July 3, 2009.